The Mainstream Hunger Games
by ThatBlondeGirl130
Summary: Obama and David Cameron both of a huge problem: Both of their countries of full of mainstream stuff. Their solution? A Hunger Games. Parody.
1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

Gather around children, adults, marshmallows, for I have a story to share with you. This is the story of the first Mainstream Hunger Games. In the year 2012, two politicians, US President Obama and UK Prime Minister David Cameron realised that both of their countries had a problem. They were so clogged up with Mainstream stuff; nobody cared about politics or the cat calendar shortage. So the two of them used some money they'd stolen from Santa to buy Asia and divide it into 6 Districts. Because of the likeness to the Hunger Games, they wanted to make the name original, so they called it Hanem. Each District was home to a different mainstream thing.

District 1: Hunger Games

District 2: Glee

District 3: Jersey Shore

District 4: Twilight

District 5: Disney

District 6: Harry Potter

From each District, 2 would be chosen whether they were male or female, nobody really cared to be honest. As the freaks of each District tried to work out what was going on, Obama and David Cameron watched from their private hover yacht.

"Let the Games begin" declared Obama.


	2. Chapter 2

**District 1 Reaping: The Hunger Games**

**I apologise if this isn't very well written; this is kind of my chilled story. On the other hand, if you like it, YAY. Enjoy the Chapter and May the Odds be Ever in Your Favour!**

The original game players stand in a crowd waiting for Effie Trinket to draw the names of the tributes that will be competing in the Mainstream Hunger Games, each of them with a different complaint.

"This sucks; we've already been in the Hunger Games! It's our book, for goodness sake" moans Johanna.

"You think you've got it bad? I'm too old to even compete in these games and they're still making me eligible" replies Haymitch.

"How do you think I feel? There I am, quite happily in my afterlife, then I get told "Oh sorry, you have to go back to Earth in case you're reaped for the Mainstream Hunger Games." Do you know how much it costs to get the bus to Earth these days?" growls Glimmer.

"Trust me, you'll be fine. I wouldn't be surprised if they rigged it so I was reaped" says Katniss.

"Oh of course, Little Miss Mockingjay will be the centre of attention once again. You know honey, just because you were the main character of the trilogy, doesn't mean you're hot stuff" sneers Johanna.

"Wait, Katniss, don't you have kids? Whatever happened to them?" asks Finnick.

"No. I don't have kids; it was all a rumour. Suzanne Collins totally screwed me over" Katniss snaps.

"Shh! It's starting" pipes up Foxface.

Effie takes the stage, her hair back to being pink again. Well I say she takes the stage, but actually she's being dragged up by a Peacekeeper.

"I'm not doing this! What if I reap myself? Fine, I'll do it! Just get out of my face! Have some manners! And that podium had better be mahogany!" she yells at the Peacekeeper.

She walks up to the podium and clears her throat.

"Welcome, welcome to the 1st Annual Mainstream Hunger Games! Let's begin. Ladies first of course! Not me. Not me. Not me" she mutters as she puts her hand into the girl's reaping bowl.

She wastes no time opening the reaping paper. A large grin appears on her face.

"Yes it's not me! Glimmer Sparkles!" she declares.

"Oh come on! I'm already dead, how is this fair?" Glimmer scowls at Effie.

"Now dear, manners; don't shoot the messenger!"

"I volunteer!" yells Mrs Everdeen.

"Err no. I don't think so" says Katniss "She's not quite right in the head."

Glimmer flips her hair and walks up the stage, hearing Effie mumble "The podium's not even mahogany" on her way.

"Now for the boys" Effie continues, drawing out a reaping slip from the boy's bowl "Finnick Odair!"

The whole crowd goes silent. Finnick is pushed out of the crowd.

"Seriously; nobody's gonna volunteer for me? Jeez, thanks a lot arseholes!" he says angrily.

"NO! CATO! Quick volunteer!" screams Glimmer, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Pfft, as if! You're on your own babe" Cato shrugs.

**And so ends District 1's reaping. Hope it was to your liking. If you want, submit suggestions for the tributes from District 2: Glee! **


	3. Chapter 3

**District 2 Reaping: Glee**

**If you are reading this and are a fan of my story "Mockingjay Day: The 76****th**** Hunger Games" the reason I have posted this chapter first is because I started it before I went away and I really wanted to finish it!**

In an empty hallway, a clock is ticking; the whole school is silent. The school I'm talking about is of course William McKinley High School; and obviously when I say it's silent I'm talking about everywhere but the choir room. It's just hit 4 o'clock and the meeting of the Glee Club has just begun.

"We can't keep seeing this as a problem you guys! You guys are all so talented" one Will Schuester is reassuring his students.

"Yeah, at singing and dancing Mr Schue but we can't kill other human beings" protests Mercedes Jones, a ghetto fabulous diva.

"Mercedes has got a point. This Glee Club can pull out a flashy dance number but when it comes to killing we're more lost than Puckerman at spelling bee" agrees Kurt Hummel, the most flamboyant glee clubber of them all.

"We can do this!" insists Will.

"He's right! Come on guys; _we can't back down, there's too much at stake. This is serious, don't walk away!_" sings Rachel Berry, the slightly bratty Broadway baby.

"Can it Berry! Brits and I wants to get our kill on" growls Santana Lopez, the sassy chick from Lima Heights Adjacent, the roughest neighbourhood in Lima, Ohio.

"Is President Snow Frosty the Snowman's evil cousin?" asks Brittany S. Pierce, the sweet but stupidest cheerleader there ever has been.

"How did she get into high school?" sighs wheel chair bound Artie Abrams, a wannabe director.

"Watch it wheels, before I gets all Lima Heights Adjacent on your ass" threatens Santana.

"Guys! Look, there are hundreds of kids in this school. None of you will get picked" explains Will.

"Not so fast William" interjected the voice of semi evil with a generous side cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester as she entered the choir room "Figgins just told me only you and your glee clubbers are eligble for these "Hunger Games" so you better start kissing your goose grease or butter or whatever you're putting in your hair nowadays goodbye because you can guarantee I will do everything in my power to make sure you're killed by some depressed kid from Twilight or one of those spray tan monkeys from the Jersey Shore."

"What power do you have, Sue?"

"Oh William, I am absolutely drowning in the power bestowed on me by… actually who even gives me all this power?"

"Beats me; it's never mentioned in your storyline. The writing on that part is pretty sloppy"

"No William, what's sloppy is your relationship with that red haired, semi nun, neat freak."

An argument begins to ensue between the two teachers with only Tina Cohen Chang, an Asian girl attempting to stop it. If you're wondering why we didn't give any details on her character, it's because there aren't any. She tries to stop it but she quickly uses up her three lines for this episode and Finn Hudson, the sensitive quarterback who is somehow also an underdog is forced to step in.

"Mr Schue I think… maybe we should all just stop thinking of this as such a big problem" he suggests, his answer beaming with originality.

"Finn, that's a great idea!" Will agrees.

"Ok glee club, let's get this over with" hurries Sue "Figgins will be here any second to announce William's sad departure and likely funeral."

Sure enough Principal Figgins appeared through the door at that moment; a reasonably religious but naïve man. He held two slips of paper in his hand.

"Quiet down children; quiet please" he requests, despite the silence of the room "I have here the names of the two of you that will be competing in the games of hunger."

He unfolds the first slip of paper.

"And the girl who will be competing is… Mercedes Jones" he announces and the second he has Mercedes stands up.

"Oh hell to the no! I'm not down with this Mr Schue. Do something!" she yells before she is dragged out by men all dressed in white with helmets, armed with guns.

"This is so messed up" mumbles Quinn Fabray, the head cheerleader who had previously been pregnant and now wasn't given many good storylines.

"The boy who will compete is… Kurt Hummel"

Contrary to his fellow tribute's stunt, Kurt stood up quietly and walked forward, clutching his Marc Jacobs bag to his chest, shaking.

"I volunteer!" called Sue.

"Wow Sue that's so big of you" smiles Will but his victory is short lived.

"No William I volunteer to congratulate you on not having to bid your hair products goodbye"

"Are you kidding me Sue?"

"Oh I never kid William. I haven't kidded since my military days, when the general used to shower us in gravy if we ever so much as chuckled."

"Look Sue, this isn't about you"

As they begin to argue again, Kurt looks down at the floor wondering what would happen to him in the next two weeks. The other glee clubbers just do what they do during every depressing part of an episode- partake in an awkward silence.

**I got a bit carried away here just because I love Glee so much! Our next chapter will take us to the Jersey Shore!**


End file.
